In thinking of this Juice Feast and what one might experience while being on it I am sure it will be just like any other detox...Im no stranger to them just tired of going through them...
First one was quitting smoking close to 6 years ago maybe (sorry my brain cant keep dates anymore) That was hell in a tidal wave...Doc says "Karen you are not healing in 8 areas and infection is not going away and we have tried everything, long shot here but maybe if you just try to quit smoking for atleast a month" I remember my heart stopped my hands and feet turned cold I couldn't speak, nod or blink...all I could think of was "MY JOY, MY HAPPINESS, MY STRESS RELIEVER!!!!!" The next couple of days in such excruciating pain I pondered on this...Then my husband says "Im quitting smoking" Brain >>>>>>>rush>>>>>>>; ITS AN EPIDEMIC!!!!! Im like trying to keep my cool without screaming and choking him asking WTH?????? "Yea, really, when?" he replies "Today" alright besides feeling delirious at this point I go out to "smoke a cigarette" and talk to God. (I was up to 3 packs a day)
I say "God I give this 1 month...U know folks with this disease that dont even smoke and still have it...I know it wont work however IF IT DOES Ill quit forever...(knowing I will be right "God" will be wrong) If nothing changes Im getting a carton and making up for lost time (sticks tongue out into the air and says there)...
Well I started healing (Boy was I PI$$) one by one them lil alien life suckers were healing and infection giving me a break...I had my talk to God again..."So I guess your waiting for an apology? There is some other reason for this many have quit smoking but still open sores and infection....But Im keeping my part of the deal but NO RUBBING IT IN!!!!" I tried EVERYTING to quit...patch, pills ect.. (I think that was God's way of saying "The only way you'll quit for life is going through Hell first to really get the point") Well allergic to the patch, pills made me hatful and mean and I think Ed man was scared for his life at one point...5 weeks of torture...To this day never back sled once....(So he was right once again...Hell does pay sometime)On going battle but I will win THE WAR!
Second time...Boy oh Boy this will be hard one. When you have a disease that at first you were able to move on from but when the keloid scar tissue and sinus tracking and it just kept going deeper and deeper into the body as it progresses in stages well lets just say I couldn't hold my baby, couldn't play with them...I had towards the end no use of my arms. The pain would knock me out without taking anything. On top of this having a mom that did not support you and that was truly mentally insane and my dad was drugged to no end his-self (different day of posting) I didnt want to live like this anymore...I didnt want to kill myself...When your sick docs give you a BUTLOAD of anything and everything you could want...Even with the drug test and the random pill counts...It happened to me. All prescription drugs...I finally found a doc that new of HS and told me he could help me atleast put it in remission for a while GOD truly smiled on me that day...Its been 2 years and I can fully use my arms and wave to people...I CAN WAVE, I CAN HUG....You cant possibly understand this unless you have truly went through it. Dealing with pain so unimaginable for soooooo long 16 years to NO PAIN...I know that it is hard for some to believe but I was lost...I didnt know what to do...No pain how will I cope...Depression hit harder than ever when it should have been joy and celebration...HS and pain was so much a part of my life it was like I was mourning something that tortured me day in and out. I didnt know how to handle it and Ed man seriously didnt understand what was going on with me and explaining it????Yea....I didnt know how!!! With this and the torture my mom put me through I made my own world with the nice prescription drugs my doc would give me saying "This will help you lose weight and this will help with ADD and this with PTSD and this with your pain oh and dont forget these for RLS wait, wait lets give you something extra incase this one wont work...Yea, seriously...
Flying high and feeling fine until the I needed more
like Pink sang in her song Sober
"'Im safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?
I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence...
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversationWhen I won't remember, save your breath, 'cause what's the use?
When it's good, then it's good, it's so good, 'till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry
Never again
Broken down in agony
And just trying to find a friend...
Then I would take more then that quit working so I would take more until Eddie saved my life...Point blank...He didnt know what I was on but recognized signs and research on the internet about abuse drugs and ODing..which is what I was doing. My brother came with his partner and I just cried asking them to go with me to see her once again because I needed help...Of course they came and I be damn if that BITCH looked at them and said there is no way she is addicted she will be fine coming off of the meds she was on....We believed her..(Last time I ever believed anyone on the other-side) Detox was waaaaayyyyy worse than quiting smoking EVER was!!!!
You talk about ever single demon coming from past and present...my mom was dead at this time and I thought for sure she was still trying to kill me. You litterly feel like you can see everything that matters to you swirling all around you spiraling out of control and I just kept trying to grab onto something but there was nothing for me to grab onto....That was beyond HELL way beyond HELL I fought with the devil himself and he wanted me dead and not to win the WAR. Eddie took to me to many drug abuse centers and no one would take me I remember coming home and shaking just shaking and I couldnt stop begging Eddie to make it all stop...The next morning he had to take Jacob to school and my daughter was in the next room watching tv and I felt like something was crawling all over me and on the bed and I tore off everything and kept telling myself its not real, LEAVE ME ALONE, its not real...Eddie said write down everything your feeling right now maybe this will help...I wrote 10 pages in a matter of minutes...all my childhood and adulthood darkness just fell over me I would sit and write and cry moaning mumbling hitting the pen to the paper not wanting to go where I was going because when I was younger you would be punished...Nobody was to know anything...Life was one big show and I was not about to ruin it...talking about the past when it was the present was evil and never to be brought up let alone bringing it up in the present time being grown with husband and children and my mom gone...she still had HOLD of me in the grave!!!!! I would try to wash dishes or do anything and just fall to the floor crying with this overwhelming feeling of being held down against my will not being able to get up ...
I had to quit cold turkey because no one would help me medically...I was already at the point of no return if it wasn't for Eddie...Eddie my son and 2 really great friends pulled me through it. Its been 1 yr I have been drug free except for the 4 brain surgeries I have had since August but I had no choice. But at home there was no reason for taking anything..To this day I take NOTHING...Yes, I said NOTHING. Still fight the addiction to this day...On going battle but I will win THE WAR!
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AND you never ever ever gave up! ((HUGS))(RE)
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